Satireday
Man escapes Dhaka after attending fire safety workshop
An employee of a paper company in the capital’s Farmgate has been absent without official leave ever since he attended a fire safety workshop at work.
Employer refuses to give workers raises because they will get mugged if they have money
A car company has stunned industry insiders with a revolutionary new approach that improves workers’ quality of life and reduces the pressure on company coffers all at once. By refusing to give employees their scheduled raises and keeping them dangerously close to the edge of poverty, Stellar Motors -- Dhaka’s largest automobile importer -- is confident it can reduce the risk of employees being robbed in the streets and losing the little wealth they might still possess.
When Readers Write / Families with less than 3 members to merge
The government has recently announced its plan to address the problem of small families.
Organisations tackle inflation squeeze by introducing ‘Pay-To-Work’ policy
February has passed but employees at several major business firms have still not received any yearly increment or contract renewal. Employees are having difficulty making ends meet, what with rice and essentials doubling in price. Transport costs have gone up even though diesel price has been reduced by Tk 0.75.
Seeking affordable dates, Bangladeshi opens Tinder account
A man from Basabo has opened a Tinder account after he learned from one of his friends that dates on Tinder and Bumble were more attainable than in the current market.
Chintito since 1995 / Truth shall prevail
And so now the Pope is wrong because he is calling for peace and trying to save lives. He advised Ukraine to show the “white flag”, which other than meaning surrender is also a symbol of peace.
Twisted thoughts, warped words, and despicable deeds
You have all been invited for “daal-bhaat to a gorib’s house” by (surprise, surprise) a well-to-do host. Obviously, he is far from being poor. Or else, he would not have invited you.
Things you can do when the internet is down
Due to maintenance work going on today on a submarine cable that brings us internet, connectivity will be disrupted for 12 hours between 7:00am and 7:00pm.
When readers write / ‘We’re land optimisers, not grabbers’
In the bustling world of business, a group of savvy businessmen - the Real Estate Federation – were found scratching their heads in utter amazement.
Chintito since 1995 / This land is not for sale
The present landlords have been living on their land, happily, merrily, for eons with their elders and children.
Readers’ corner / ‘Country first, company second, culture somewhere’
Rabindranath, not the Bard of Bengal, began an internship at a renowned local company in quest of the actual essence of corporate culture. He studied BBA to keep up with the trends, but now he regrets doing so.
Motivational speakers at a loss after 12th Fail
“As soon as the movie ended, I opened my laptop and applied for BCS at the eleventh hour,” Munna, who recently promised to himself to be a cadre if someone like Shraddha invaded his life like a bolt from the blue, said after being heavily inspired by the movie 12th Fail.
Assistant manager who threatened to resign 7 times made assistant deputy manager
An assistant manager in a local corporation has broken records by threatening to quit his position seven times in one day if he wasn’t given a promotion.
Dhaka bikers block entrance/exit to city roads as symbol of protest
Yesterday, an ambulance could not get onto the expressway ramp near Tejgaon because motorcyclists were blocking the road on the left as traffic came to a slow crawl.
Lessons hardly learnt
In the summer just gone by, in the days of sweating in 40 degrees Celsius, I was extremely comfortable that finally we have started bathing regularly, wearing clean clothes and possibly using some sort of deodorant.
Mirpur’s pitch made with climate change in mind: high source
The pitch in Mirpur on which Bangladesh are about to beat New Zealand today in the second Test today, or New Zealand are about to beat Bangladesh today, has become the topic of heavy discussion.
HR manager upset that workers are actually productive while working from home
Local PR and content creation agency The Starmakers recently hosted a seminar on why employees should be back full time now that Covid is really over and we have bigger things to worry about like majority-approved genocide, air quality depletion, more Kardashian shows and lengthy run-on sentences.
Keep sports clean of politics
When we were young, that for some of us is a long time ago; so long ago that you may need binoculars to see the 1960s. A magazine was published then, from most probably Karachi, Sports Times, I am trying to recollect. It was so long ago that today’s net search has zero relevant hits for that title and era. Unfaded in human memory, however, for the last over sixty years is the mast slogan of that very popular publication, “Keep sports clean of politics”.
‘Digbaji’ celebrity Jaded Khan tumbles head over heels into mathematics
Michael Jackson created the Moonwalk. Tom Cruise likes to run like crazy in every movie. Shakira has hips that don’t lie. Clint Eastwood was famous for his line, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?”
Bureaucracy marathon receives great response
Chapasthan’s capital witnessed the Bureaucracy Marathon this Friday, an event designed to showcase the bureaucratic madness ingrained in daily life.
Managers rejoice as study shows Artificial Intelligence can’t replace Genuine Idiocy™
A study has come out from the University of Where the Sun Don’t Shine, proclaiming that Artificial Intelligence will never be able to replace Genuine Idiocy™.
